Goats in the Tree: Slowing to Eclipse and Surrendering to Capricorn in 2020

The Tree Climbing Goats of Morocco

Since the Winter Solstice, I’ve been going slower and slower, surrendering to this time of the year and to the demands of my body. On one side of the December 25th New Moon and Solar Eclipse, I fell on the ice and sprained my wrist. On the other, I got a cold, caught from my wonderful, visiting nieces and nephews. I felt depleted, underground, depressed. I lost sight of my purpose and felt pain. I couldn’t write, I couldn’t do much of anything. I had to surrender. What did I surrender to?

First I surrendered to the New Moon in Capricorn. Capricorn energy is a goat scampering up a huge mountain, from the depths to the heights he strives, but the going is tough and he doesn’t have much room on the ledges he chooses to pause on. During a climb, there is always that part of it where you have to surrender to the fact that you are climbing. I read that it wasn’t a good New Moon for making intentions and for manifestation and I felt this too; it was better to observe. So that is what I did.

Uphill, downhill. I trudged and drove up and down, back and forth between my house and the house where my family was gathered. As happens when family is about, I had to see and surrender to the things in my life that I don’t like. If I am a goat, it means I don’t mind going where it is hard for others to go. I’m climbing towards the sun even when it is dark. I’m climbing out of the cave, off of the page. Restrictions. I think this was all good practice for the year to come. It will be a year filled with this Capricorn energy. We’ll have to adapt as best we can as Saturn conjuncts Pluto in Capricorn. Right now, as I write, Jupiter is there conjunct Mercury. The Sun is moving through it towards Saturn and Pluto which are almost conjunct. I don’t know how anyone can imagine moving quickly. I can barely move at all, what with all these goats trying to climb and so little room. I’m left laughing though, with that image in my mind of the goats that climb the tree. Maybe that is a better image of the year for me. The tree the goats like to climb is an Argan tree, which grows in Morocco and produces one of my favorite oils. It whispers to me of abundance in aridity and longevity; it’s known for keeping the skin youthful. I’ll keep that message with me.

I’ve been thinking about what an eclipse is. In expressions, to eclipse something means to leave it behind, in the dust, to make it disappear. Literally an eclipse means that darkness, the moon, covers the light, the sun, leaving a halo before moving on and revealing the light to us again. This ring of fire exists because of the darkness, reminding us of the sun and how it will come again. On this side of the Solstice, though we are still deep in Winter, I know that the buds on the empty trees are already getting ready, beginning to swell, light yellow on the horizon amidst the grey. But first there is more to let go of, and often an eclipse will help release things we have been unwilling to release.

With letting go we find restrictions too. Sometimes I feel bound by the things I want to keep. Yet what is hardest to let go of? I realized this season that, ironically, what is hardest to let go of is what I don’t like about myself. These parts are hardest to let go of because I haven’t owned them yet, I don’t even want to see them. How can I accept these parts of the real me that I don’t like? I found that just being with them, instead of fighting with myself about them, or thinking about how I could change them, made them fit to my skin, and though itchy at first like a wool suit, I found I could adjust to them and then slough them off, letting them drop in the fire, like the thoughts that come unbidden in the morning, reminding me of my failures or shortcomings. I could befriend them. I could even feel happy and content with them. I could enjoy my family gatherings with a cold. I could be with people and not have to do anything. My hurt wrist prevented me from overdoing, trying to please, or even doing the minimum to help. I had to sit back and surrender to the restrictions of my injury. It wasn’t so bad actually. Everyone helped me and no one complained. I even got to be a little bit princess-y. So though I felt down, I also felt held in the dark, thankful for sleep and rest. These days I wake up in the mornings thrilled to be in my warm bed, with no thoughts at all in my head. I’ve taken the time to do nothing.

So as we move into 2020, it’s heavy there on the South Node, with all those goats in the tree. Maybe that’s you and me. Maybe the smartest thing to do is not to move at all, for we might fall and I don’t think I can catch you. But if we balance, if we let things be, we might get through, and hear the wind in the trees, and what the essence of the tree is telling us to do. I’m starting to get an idea. Are you?

If you want to talk about the cosmic energies, and the ones the plants might be whispering about to you, make an appointment with me here. I’m currently accepting new creatives who would like to deepen their creative practice by honing their Earth connection with the plants for three or six month online, one-on-one programs. What would it be like to work with me? Make an appointment for a free consultation to find out!

The Red Earth: A New Moon Solar Eclipse in Capricorn and a Welcome into 2019

This morning, meditating on the new moon eclipse in Capricorn, I had a vision of a woman rising, round faced, like a tree, growing up out of the ground and spreading into the sky so that there was little else to see.

I’m in Kenya, where the earth is red and well-packed roads lead to where you were always going. My first impression, before arriving here, upon arriving here, was that I was going to a magical land, where strange and wonderful animals still lived and people still smiled a welcome you didn’t need to deserve. This morning, I thought of the whole earth being like this, a magical land, where people smile a welcome, where strange animals and birds roam, whether the soil is black or red. Here we are reminded of it because you can’t escape it. She sticks to your shoes and skin, leaving her red mark. Don’t forget me she says! Smile your welcome.

Reducing Whatever Was Left Of My Hard Outer Shell

For me I think 2019 will be about reducing whatever was left of my hard outer shell down to nothing so that I can better serve the world. Capricorn is the goat climbing steadily up the mountain, and I want to slowly grow my business, to keep talking to the flowers, offering their wisdom, speaking more broadly for the non-human worlds. I’ll keep forgetting who I am in the process. Saturn conjunct the sun teaches the value of hard work and humility. All this cardinal Earth energy demands contribution, retribution, reminds us that, in the darkness, something new is beginning, and it isn’t about us as individuals. Don’t take it personally. Whatever changes have swept over you are for the greater good. Pluto is there too, reminding us that perhaps there will be further sacrifice demanded of us. Perhaps total transformation is now the only option.

Sometimes The Earth Seems Fragile

Sometimes the Earth seems fragile. Everywhere I read news of breaking cycles, vanishing animals, emptying seas. Sometimes it seems solid, like it does here, holding us up, even in mud, with the trees. I’m near the equator and the shapes of the stars are different. In the garden many flowers grow, and along the roads, hibiscus, a yellow bush I don’t know, small tubular orange blooms clustered together, a bush whose clusters, like a sunset, fade from orange to pink to yellow. I don’t know their names. I think today I will make a hibiscus essence. She whispers to me of faith, faith in this trembling world, which, like a mirage, might disappear at any moment, doesn’t always seem real, so that I remember my own fragility as I walk upon it. Here I go.

All That Is Real

Yet the Earth isn’t going anywhere, she’s solid and strong, present, all that is real, and she’s letting us know. Like her, I’m solid and strong, not a wisp anymore. Perhaps as I walk upon her, I could be more imposing. Perhaps, as I walk upon her, I need to be more imposing, to encourage whatever transformation for the good is naturally happening. With my voice I’ll spread wide into the sky like a tree, and tell everyone how the birds speak to me.

Sacrifice and Synchronicity

Speaking of sacrifice, if you want to join a group learning experience to follow along with the currents of our changing world, it is the last chance to join Charles Eisenstein's Living in the Gift course in its first round. This month's theme is sacrifice and synchronicity: I just had an experience of the latter when, after mentioning sacrifice here, I read an email from the course and found that it was the theme there this month as well.

Keep your eyes out for my new website which will have a place to purchase my flower essences, some offerings to grow your creativity with the flowers, a cosmic blog and other as yet undreamed of offerings.

May your hard work and persistent visions be blessed. May your dreams, however dark, be transformative, and may your actions support the health of the communities and ecosystems you are a part of.

Karibu!

(Originally posted on January 6th, 2019)